Bopril

For Mother's Day

I have so many thoughts on this Mother's Day --- so close to the long awaited and much cherished role myself --- but nothing that I'm able to form into cohesive words here.

And so I will simply offer a prayer of thanks. For my own amazing mother who has shown me in spades what it means to parent, for my MIL who is marvelous and who embodies motherhood and grandmotherhood with a special sort of polish, for my Husband whose partnership I know will make this journey infinitely easier and a zillion times more fun, and for the broad community of Mamas I know (and even those I do not) for the inspiring work they do every day.

I'll also thank the Mothers-to-be and those who haven't found their babies just yet --- who want it with their whole hearts --- and I'll pray for grace on their behalf as I know that parts of this day can open wounds and hurt from very deep places. I'll hope for each of them that next year is their year, and that the brilliance of that year will erase (or at least dim) the pain of each previous one. And to anyone and everyone who does any sort of mothering...thank you. For your love and your sacrifice and your devotion. I am ecstatic and blessed to grab hold of your example and pay it forward in a few short weeks.

In closing I'll post Tina Fey's prayer to her daughter, Alice --- it remains a favorite, and I'm not sure I could ever improve upon her articulation of what she wants for her girl (and what I want for mine). :) 

Happy Mother's Day!

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.”

 

Rumpus

I was so saddened by the passing of the brilliantly twisted and creative Maurice Sendak recently. As we count down the days to the arrival of our sweet girl, one of the activities I most look forward to is reading to her and (hopefully) instilling a love of books from her earliest days. 

I will count Sendak's books among the collection that we read until worn, dog-eared, and smudged and each time we read them, I will whisper thank you for such a wonderful mind, an inspired sense of adventure and a beautiful legacy for all children, everywhere.

Stephen Colbert interviewed Mr. Sendak a while back, and I think he really captured his essence. I've watched the clips over and over, and I snort laugh each time. 

RIP, Mr. Sendak. And thank you for sharing your genius with our children.

The Colbert Report
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Moving On Up

Long time, no blog. Again. Sorry. Sigh...

It hasn't been for lack of activity, that is for certain. Life has been very busy these past few weeks, and topping the list for our attention and time is our recent move.

We took the plunge and became official homeowners, and made the big move last weekend.

There has been much unpacking, organizing, planning, list making, errand running and the like, and even though we are early in the process, it is already beginning to take on the shape and feel of home. We have much to do --- both short term and long --- to truly make it ours, but I think our little family is going to be very happy here.

Moving at 8 months pregnant is many things, but mostly it is humbling. I knew going in that I wouldn't be able to do much: you're pretty much forbidden to lift heavy things, climb onto things, do a lot of bending, etc. Naturally, all of these things are staples of the moving experience. Even though I thought I was prepared for that, I still found myself shocked at how quickly I'd become completely exhausted and by how much I was truly just not able to do. We were blessed times a million with help from my family, and eventually, I had to make peace with the fact that I'd have to ask for help and surrender to the fact that I wasn't going to be of much use for this particular move.

My Mom stayed with us a full week prior to the move and packed us up each day while we worked. My Dad drove in with a car full of Baby C loot and then worked like a slave the entire weekend, moving and assembling and repairing things. And Husband literally worked like a machine for two straight weeks packing and hauling and organizing and schlepping and coordinating a million details from who would move us to setting up workers and bills and the like.

Thank you isn't enough (is it ever?), but being surrounded by such amazing people when you're feeling particularly vulnerable is a blessing that I am ill equipped to describe. I am so grateful.

We are excited to have the grueling part of the move (mostly) behind us, and now are ready to focus on the slow build of making this particular house our beloved home over time. I'll keep you posted as we do.

The fur babies have survived the move, and although they are getting better each day, they are still a bit out of sorts and not entirely sure where they are or what is going on. I look forward to them feeling a bit more settled, as those confused eyes and panicked runs for the door any time we attempt to leave the house are really breaking my heart. 

Moving is exhausting for our little furry ones!

Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and kind words throughout the moving process. And another huge thank you to my parents for all they did and continue to do, and to Husband for being the best ever. In this case, it literally has taken a village, and our village is especially awesome. 

Cheers to the newest Casa Carretta (more pics to come, I promise)!

On Thanks and Birthdays

In the nearly 15 years (WOW) since I first left home to head to college, I'd estimate that I have moved at least 20 times. From moves across town to moves across the country, I've packed up and started anew quite a lot.

There have been several constants in those moves: boxes, tape, sweating, hauling, paper cuts, a decent amount of swearing. But the one that stands out the most? My amazing Mom. She never questions her role or the process at all. She simply says "when is the move date," and then she pauses her own life - no matter what might be going on - to show up and schlep us to our next destination. From Virginia to Tennessee to California, Illinois and even small stints in WV, she has assumed the title of mover extraordinaire.

Our current move is especially important and has an "official" air to it while the others have always felt inherently temporary. We've purchased a home, taken the plunge to put down roots, and are determined to make it our best home yet. We'll welcome our daughter into this home, and we can't wait to get to work making it ours and kicking off the memories that will color the next several years, at minimum.

And today --- on her birthday --- my Mom is here again. All week she has packed and taped and wrapped and schlepped and organized. And when she hasn't been doing the hard work of transferring a household, she's been loving on our fur babies and reassuring them in their "out of sorts" state. 

Thank you feels inadequate, and I am not sure there are really words to express the level of gratitude we feel for her presence and her help. I can think of better ways to spend one's birthday than moving mania, but she never falters and says again and again that there isn't anywhere she'd rather be. And the most amazing part is that she really means it.

What a blessing it is to have someone so invested in the well being and happiness of your family. I never take it for granted, not for a moment. 

Thank you, Mom, from all of us for all you're doing this week, and for all you do ALWAYS to shower our little family with love and support.

Beeg, Jack, Cooper, Baby C and I would be lost without you, and we wish you the happiest of birthdays and send love back to you tenfold. 

Cheers!

Weekendings: Easter Edition

I love Easter. This comes as no surprise to anyone familiar with my general holiday obsession, but I feel the need to say it anyway. I love the pastel colors, the terrific mass, the littles decked out in their holiday finery, the eggs, the brunching, the compilation of baskets and the awesome photos of kiddos running in terror from the big bunny. :)

Our weekend was a lovely mash-up of errands and productive house related activities with Easter Sunday and our favorite holiday activities closing things out. Husband got really excited to begin the purging process in advance of our upcoming move, and we accomplished a lot of errands and a lot of list making to organize our next few weeks. Let's just say we are going to need to maximize every moment in order to get everything done. It is going to be an exciting couple of months leading up to Baby Girl's big debut. In between lists and errands, I dyed eggs and put together adorable baskets for J and C.

And yesterday we woke up and went to the early mass to escape the insanity that is the 11:00 show, had a yummy breakfast in the 'hood, enjoyed the boys as they devoured their Easter loot and relaxed for the afternoon. 

It was lovely. Hope your holiday and your weekend were too.

Needless to say, I am pretty excited about next year when I'll get to make THREE easter baskets and dye even more eggs. 

Letters to R: Morgantown Baby Shower

Dear R,

A couple of weekends ago, we attended the first ever gathering in your honor. Your Nana and her wonderful friends in Morgantown organized an amazing shower and we flew there together to enjoy it. You don’t seem to mind flying, and I hope your tendency toward the mellow end of the traveling spectrum continues once you’re here. When we stepped off the plane, we were surrounded and hugged and patted and photographed within an inch of our lives. I’m not sure how much of this makes its way to you in your watery home, so I thought I’d document it for you, because sweet girl, this --- these moments --- is what life is all about. It’s the good stuff, for sure. What a lucky girl you are to be greeted by your Nana, your great-Grammy, and your Great-Aunt (with two more Great-Aunts plus your wonderful Grandad waiting for you back at the house). Your family is HUGE, and I can’t wait for you to discover that and realize what joy it will bring to your life. There are so many people who have been rooting for you and waiting for you, and now they are all bursting at the seams to celebrate you and meet you. I guess that is a long winded way of saying that you are so, so loved.

It was a lovely weekend full of normal activities: we hung out on Nana and Grandad’s deck, we talked and talked with those family people we adore, we went out to eat, we shopped and we marveled at the fact that you’d soon join us FOR REAL for these festivities. With each passing day, my excitement to meet you approaches obscene, and magnified by others who are equally excited, it just really swells into something special. This is such a neat time in our lives, and I’m really loving these weeks and months when it is just you and me, wherever we choose to go. I’m trying really hard to remain in the present and enjoy every single moment, even though it is sometimes hard because I just can’t wait to actually see you. That weekend though? I remained in the present the entire time. And each minute was a gift. A lot of lovely ladies came out to celebrate you, and they showered you with such thoughtful and awesome things: you now have a car seat, a swing, a pack-n-play, adorable clothes and accessories, toys, and so much more just waiting for you to get here and make use of it. But more than that my girl, you have this village of strong, beautiful women who love you and send you encouragement and prayer and joy. To have such amazing people take time away from their lives and families to come and gush over you is really quite the treat. I said a lot of thank you’s --- for you and for me. We’ll work on gratitude when you’re here, but I like to think you’re already wise and aware of your blessings. How could you not be when you’re constantly showered with such grace and love?

Did you notice the basket of books? I read a couple to you when we got back to Nana’s house, including one of my favorites, “Oh The Places You’ll Go.” And indeed, wee one, you’ll go to mighty places, I am sure of it. And I am not just talking about geography. I have been anxious these last couple of months to begin your library. You see, books have always been one of my very favorite things --- they open up your mind and take you anywhere you’d like to go. They teach you about different people and places and cultures and ways of thinking. They broaden your world, and free your imagination to run wild and create stories of your own. I can’t wait to introduce you to them, and thanks to your Nana and all of these lovely ladies, you now have a big basket of stories just waiting for you to dive into them. I hope you’ll embrace these stories and many more to come, and love books all your life, just like your Mama. I hope they’ll give you the same sense of escape, of peace, of other-worldliness that they’ve always given me. I promise that we’ll spend lots of time reading together, first my favorites, and eventually, you’ll pick the ones you like best and we’ll read them over and over.

Soak it all in, sweet girl. Take notice of these people and these experiences and these moments. Don’t take them for granted, because they are blessings, each one. We are so, so lucky to live them.

There are so many more to come in the weeks ahead, and it is my greatest pleasure to experience each one with you.

Love,

Mama

Baby C: 26 & 27 Weeks

Happy Friday, all. I'm excited as always to be on the cusp of a weekend, even if my at-home to-do list is currently rivaling my work list in length. It's stormy and gray today in Chicago, which makes it simpler for me to bury myself in work deliverables and calls and meetings and then to happily turn off the electronic devices and focus on catching up with Husband, snuggling the fur babes and tackling that list one item at a time.

But before all of that, I'll update you on Little Miss, who continues to have busy and exciting weeks. At 26 weeks, we were all busy returning to the grind after vacation and getting back into our normal groove. On top of that, Baby Girl was the size of a hothouse cucumber (nope, can't tell you how that differs from a regular cucumber, and yes, I think the name is quite ridiculous), likely busted right through the two pound mark and, little smarty pants that she is, began detecting light and dark through her rapidly developing optic nerve. I refrained from shining a flashlight at her to test this ability, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I thought about it. :)

26 weeks was a very hurried morning (someone is addicted to the snooze button, but I am not naming names), and it looked like this:

(apologies again for the wet hair. it is likely to be a common theme moving forward. and while I'm trying to ban thoughts like these in the interest of raising a daughter who isn't a slave to body image issues, I must confess that the 26 weeks photos are the most shudder-inducing so far, and I think I'll retire that dress permanently. Ok, as you were.)

We are now well ensconced in 27 weeks, and Baby Girl is the size of cauliflower (mmm, veggies!), and apparently looks like a thinner and slightly more red version of the sweet pea we'll meet at the end of this journey. Her immune system is advancing, she's still working hard on those breathing skills, and she is fattening up every day. I continue to feel great overall with minor disturbances in the form of heartburn or uncomfortable sleeping positions or tingling limbs. All in all, no reason whatsoever to complain, and I'm really beginning to feel a strong need to get everything ready for her arrival. I suppose it is that whole "nesting" thing you hear so much about. For the moment, I am making my lists and enjoying each day feeling those bumps and kicks, always aware of what a blessing it is to experience any of this. :) 

27 weeks called for a Spring like dress, even if it also needed boots and a jacket to ward off chilly temps. We looked like this:

 

The belly is not kidding around these days. :) 

Have I mentioned that we are in the process of closing on a home (gulp!) and planning a move? There is a lot more to share on that front as well as an amazing weekend where Baby Girl and I were showered with love by a network of truly amazing women. 

Come back soon! xo

Baby C: 25 Weeks and A Much Needed Beach Getaway

I never realize just how much I miss the beach and close, regular proximity to the shore until I'm standing in front of it again, relaxing in the presence of crashing waves, watching gulls dive for their dinner, reading a good book beneath an umbrella in the comfort of the ocean breeze.

Last week, we escaped to Sanibel Island, FL where MIL generously hosted us for our "babymoon," and where we relaxed as much as humanly possible, enjoying activities like sunbathing, beach walking, swimming, yummy food eating, basketball watching (ok, that one was Husband), sight-seeing, and serious, record-breaking ice cream eating. I also read like a champion, tearing through four books, which makes me happy in a way nothing else is able to. We missed the fur babes immensely, but they enjoyed a reunion with their Auntie TC here in Chicago, and had temps into the 80's for walks and fun of their own.

There were beautiful sunrises and lovely, lovely views at every turn. It was just what we needed, and I already miss that unique beach sanity that just consumes you while you're there. 

On this trip, I noticed babies of every size and shape and variety, and couldn't help daydreaming of the time when we can have our girl with us and introduce her to a place that both of her parents treasure. I smiled at visions of sunhats and adorable bathing suits, tiny toes in the surf and little fists clutched tightly with sand. It is still surreal to think of life in her company, and it never fails to excite and inspire me (and make me anxious for the next few months to get here). 

We reached the 25 week mark during our trip, and Baby Girl was the size of a rutabega (must admit, I had to google that one). At this point, she begins to focus on fattening up, having done most of her development of key body parts. Her hair is growing and developing its texture and color, and this has me wondering constantly what she will look like. We assume curly or wavy hair, but I find myself wondering whether she will have a lot of hair, if it will be dark or light, what color her eyes will be, and so on forever and ever, amen. :) She is closing in on two pounds, and growing all the time. 

Here is what 25 weeks looked like at the beach (no sign this week, so I improvised with fingers):

Baby bump shadows:

And Husband finally makes an appearance!:

There were many highlights of the trip, including a festive (virgin) drink for Mama:

And festive afternoon drinks on the beach for Daddy:

The aforementioned stunning sunrises and beloved time spent beneath the umbrella (my best friend on this trip):

Too much yummy food to even quantify:

Stunning views all around, and lots of time soaking up each other's company, because his company is my favorite company:

Oh, and we'll always remember the sight of MIL rocking her bikini during our brief visit to Captiva Island:

Isn't she a dish?

It was a fabulous trip and it recharged our jets in all the right ways. Baby Girl was the most active she's ever been while we were there, so we took that to mean she is a beach girl just like her parents, and this makes us happy indeed. What a lovely week and a great place to relish quiet, together time and appreciate our blessings. 

Baby C (In The Past): 23 & 24 Weeks

Catch up continues with a brief recap of weeks 23 and 24 --- next up, we'll be back to normal with 25 weeks at the beach (spoiler: she loved it there!) and then 26 happening this week.

Without further ado:

At 23 weeks, Baby Girl was apparently looking more and more like an actual newborn and was the size of a large mango. Movement was a little more pronounced (although still frustratingly inconsistent), and I began to feel her with my hand on top of my belly if I caught her at just the right moment. She topped the scales at just over a pound, and I continued to talk and sing to her throughout the days so she gets used to my voice. I also thought a lot about the fact that she will likely be used to the barking sounds of her fur brothers when she arrives, and that made me smile. A lot. 

23 weeks prompted serious belly growth and looked like this (apologies for the deviation in regular photo format: Husband was out of town, and the hours got away from us, but we at least wanted to document, hence the aerial view):

At 24 weeks, I really felt like my belly "popped," and I also experienced my first bout of what I *think* were braxton hicks. Verdict? I did not like it. It wasn't painful at all, but it freaked me out and prompted a series of calls to my doc who of course reasurred me that all was fine and normal, but I wasn't convinced until I downed about three liters of water and they went away. Enter the crazy Mama, I suppose. :)

Baby Girl was the length of an ear of corn and was rapidly developing her senses, likely even able to discern upside down and right side up (amazing, no?). The all important lungs began crucial development as well so she can gear up for breathing. I found myself coaching her along for this one, cheering her on, figuring she can't get enough encouragement, right? :) 

24 weeks found us looking like this:

Woah, belly, am I right?! As mentioned, next up is 25 weeks which we celebrated at the beach. Our girl already loves the waves and sand and sunshine, and we can't wait until she arrives and we can introduce her to it in person.

Much more to come on this oh so exciting journey. As always, thanks for joining us. xo

Baby C (In The Past): 21 & 22 Weeks

Insert usual disclaimer here with apologies for being woefully behind on baby related (and all other) updates. I have no excuse except to say the usual suspects in the form of life and work and vacation and et cetera have intervened. I actually wrote the below weeks ago, and randomly lost my photos which have since returned, so I'll try to catch up this week and be better moving forward (I know, I know, you've heard it all before). Onward then, yes? Enjoy this trip into the past since I'm actually hitting the 26 week (!) mark tomorrow. More to come.

++++++++++++

Well, by now it is evident to all that Week 21 was a Very Big One around here, and we are thrilled to know our little munchkin a little more than we did before, and happy to be able to definitely refer to our baby as "she," or "her." Now the fun really begins as we contemplate life with a daughter in just a few months time.

Excitement aside, there are still many other things to celebrate specific to these two weeks of our journey, so here we go.

At 21 weeks, we were thrilled to get to see her dancing around on the screen for more than an hour. She was very wiggly and clever, flipping the opposite direction from the tech's preference and repeatedly refusing to move when she was "jostled," but moving merrily about when the tech needed her to stay still for photo time. We joked that she is showing a stubborn streak already. Regardless, it was amazing to see tiny hands and feet waving all around and defined features doing their thing inside her watery home.

She was the length of a banana, and was working hard on developing her digestive system, learning to suck and swallow which explains all of that mouth movement we saw on the screen. :) Her movements were becoming more frequent and pronounced, and although I'm still not feeling crazy movement 24/7, I certainly began feeling her more consistently, and there is never a doubt these days that what I am feeling is an active baby as opposed to earlier weeks when I honestly didn't know what the sensations were.

I felt great, and was mostly just beyond excited to learn that we're having a daughter. Bump action continues every day, and at 21 weeks (and a few days --- Husband was out of town, so we were delayed a bit in taking this week's photos) looked like this:

At 22 weeks, our girl is the size of a spaghetti squash and her focus for the week is developing her senses, especially taste buds and the sensation of touch. It is pretty mind boggling to know that as I'm beginning to feel her more regularly, she's also beginning to feel. I am feeling great this week, although quite fatigued, and my headaches have resurfaced intermittently, which I suspect means that I need to adjust my water intake yet again. I'm working on that. 

22 weeks looks like this (pardon the wet hair; the weather has been very mild, which gives me the perfect excuse to let my commute "air dry" the mop versus spending so much time with the blow dryer):

The next month brings lots of fun our way including a trip to Florida, my first baby shower and the much discussed glucose test at my next doctor's appointment. I am looking forward to all of it and enjoying each day that brings us closer to meeting our girl this summer.

Thank you for your continued good wishes and thoughts and prayers. We love having you along for the journey. See you next week!